We’re doomed music fans; completely doomed. I thought there was hope. I thought that one day we would live in a world where it wasn’t just the truly mediocre who rose to the top and some talent would be allowed to flourish. That was all before I heard this week’s album charts.

As a nation we tend to be pretty good at buying albums, while the singles chart may be full-to-bursting with some of the worst musical excrement every committed to plastic (see this week’s number 10, Leeds, Leeds, Leeds sung by the Leeds United team) the albums chart usually exhibits some semblance of sanity. Not this week however, this week we seem to have collectively lost our fucking minds.

A cursory glance and everything looks ok. The Stones are at number one with their deluxe reissue of the classic Exile on Main Street, Faithless’ new album is at number two, and James Murphy’s final album as LCD Soundsystem is comfortable at number seven.

Look closer however and you see a couple of disturbing facts. For one, a couple of these albums have been in the charts for nearly a year, with nothing new superseding them. Lady Gaga’s Fame Monster sits at number five, confirming that her royal madness may be this century’s Madonna, but is probably going to have serious trouble following up her debut. More worryingly is Florence and the Machine’s Lung, still in the top ten, if only just. I never got the appeal of Florence, considering her a less than average Kate Bush wannabe, so how the hell she has stayed in the charts for forty seven weeks?

The most disturbing thing though is a new entry, the debut album by the Baseballs. This band is possibly the most repugnant thing I have heard for many years, three German Teddy Boys singing rockabilly covers of contemporary pop hits. You may be thinking that this sounds quite funny, and I won’t usually knock a novelty act, but the fact that this is only the new band in the top five terrifies me. Not only is this pissing all over the heritage of great fifties Rock & Roll, it’s an insult to the hundreds of much better rockabilly and psychobilly bands who languish in obscurity.

Also included is dross from the likes of Plan B, Keane and Alicia Keys; as a nation do we truly have such appalling taste in music?

Another sign of fast-approaching Armageddon is the Grim Reapers recent effort targeting real musicians. As a former Metal Head I was deeply saddened by the death of former Sabbath front man Ronnie Dio and I am now even more depressed by the death of Slipknot Bassist Paul Gray at the age of 38. Despite what the purists and the detractors say, Slipknot were/are a truly great band, a band who functioned as a gateway for kids to get into the world of extreme metal and, with their  horror movie masks, faux Satanism and nihilistic lyrics, they pissed off your parents as all good Heavy Metal should. May he rest in peace.